Sunday, January 31, 2010

3 Chords and Jesus

Tonight, for the first time ever, I successfully played chords on a guitar! The G I got on my own. I shouted my exultation through the vent, and the Eggies responded with much cheering. Then Jonathan came downstairs and showed me how to play a C chord and a D chord! And an E minor, but I didn't take to that one very well.

This might seem insignificant, but as my last blog so fervently ranted, there is quite a bit going on over the next few weeks. There are things that need to get done but that I can't make happen any faster; I've also realized in the last day or two that the vague discontent I've been bemoaning is actually anxiety. I'm not sure how things are going to play out over the next few weeks, and while I want to hope for the best, I also don't want to be disappointed. I want to believe that 4.5 hours of video recording over the next two days will result in 15 minutes of quality video for my National Boards. But past sessions didn't accomplish this, so I'm going in a little jaded. I want to believe that the Young Life conference this weekend will be inspiring and edifying; I have no reason to think it WON'T be, but I don't want to go in expecting Gandalf's fireworks and end up with those little pop-its that are only fun when you put them under the toilet seat and wait for somebody to go in and sit down. I want to hope that going on Young Life Assignment will actually be a quality investment of my time and talent and treasure, but I'm afraid I'll spend the entire month missing my little people and distracted by the cute guys who love Jesus and aren't interested in me. (There. I said it. Now, let me earnestly insist that I'm NOT going on assignment to find a husband, but so help me if THAT isn't the button the Enemy pushes to distract and discourage me. Rat bastard.)

But tonight, with my three chords that could have passed for music (5th grade band music, but music nonetheless), I was reminded that good things come all the time. Whether through the application of my own choice or the open windows of Heaven, there IS good stuff in this season of "I'm not sure" if I have the eyes to see it. Like the orange lilies one of my Young Lifers brought me last Monday that have been blooming and wilting all week -- each blossom quite independent of the others -- there are blessings and challenges and losses, all in their seasons. May I have the grace to accept the beauty of today, deal with the challenges of today, recognize the losses of today, and do all of that with hope.

And, as my dear Elisa reminded me, hope does not disappoint.

And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. Romans 5:2-5

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